Thank you

For my birthday, a friend presented me with a beautiful wreath she had made from fresh garden flowers she had grown.

As I received it, the thought crossed my mind: really, she went to all this trouble - for me? I know I am not the only one who finds it difficult to fully receive such a gift. But as I admired the summer medley of lady’s mantle, love-in-a-mist and tansy she had woven together, the beauty of it reminded me to move through those old pinching stories of not deserving enough.

“You are so talented with flowers, and you have the most incredible eye for colour,” I told her as I thanked her. Everything she does, whether it is growing flowers or arranging them, preparing them for a funeral or another occasion, is infused with something unmistakably her. She is skilled at what she does, but really, it is the way she does it.

“Oh, not really. You know, it’s just what I do.” She squirmed and turned her head to one side.

And then I said, “All you need to do is say thank you.” Because it is simply true. She is a master at growing and arranging flowers.

“Oh yes, good idea. Thank you.” She smiled. “The irony is that by turning down a compliment, I actually drag out the uncomfortable moment of having the spotlight on me. We end up arguing about it, and it makes it all much harder to accept,” she said.

Perhaps what is so difficult is feeling self-conscious.

I once heard an actor describe the meaning of a bow. As the audience applauds, the performers take in the energy of appreciation. They fully receive it and lower their heads. It is as if they are saying, I have offered something to you, you have received it, and I offer my appreciation back to you. The head is lowered beneath the heart. The head can be complicated. The heart simply says thank you.